My First Blackout
I remember it like it was just yesterday… kinda. Before that night I had heard the stories but always thought, “how the fuck does that even happen? It’ll never happen to me”. Boy, was I wrong.
It was my 21st birthday and I decided to go to club with my cousin and a mutual friend(I’ll call him Lambert). We met up at “headquarters” (aka cousin’s house) to pre-party. We bought the biggest bottle of Vodka I’ve ever seen. I am happy. A few drinks into the party we get a call that there’s a party going on a few minutes from headquarters. Since, it’s my birthday I will NOT be the DD! I get my wish and my cousin drives while Lambert and I drink. We get to the party and it sucks! A huge fight breaks out and there are people running everywhere! There are hammers and gardening tools involved. I am amused. At this point we’re halfway through the bottle yet I am not even tipsy; I think to myself, “Damn, I’m an animal. I am a God”. We decide that it’s time to hit the club since we want to take full advantage of the night and with bottle in hand we head out.
We get to the parking lot and decide that not drinking the vodka would kill the night so Lambert and I take turns downing the vodka straight from the bottle. Lambert throws up. Pussy. I finish the bottle. We finally make it into the club and I suggest we buy “The Bucket”. Let me explain The Bucket to you. The Bucket is the devil’s piss. I swear, it’s literally a plastic bucket that holds about 2 liters of a deadly combination of vodka, rum, cognac and fruit punch. Weird huh? But for $30 it sounds too good to be true. I get one and take a sip. My mind is blown! THIS IS THE GREATEST DRINK KNOWN TO MANKIND! MMMM… SO DELICIOUS. Second sip: GUYS, YOU GOTTA….
I am awake. Holy shit. Where am I? I look around and find myself on my cousin’s bed. My mouth is swollen. I muster up the energy to walk out and I see my cousin looking at me with a grin from ear to ear. “What the fuck happened? I can’t remember shit!” My cousin laughs and begins to give me the details… which I’ll explain to you.
- I went up to the first girl I saw and promptly started grinding on her. I guess she liked it because she didn’t back away… supposedly.
- I moved on from her and went to the next one. She didn’t approve and she let me know by pushing me away and calling me an asshole.
- I finished the drink but refused to throw away the bucket. Good move on my part as it would play a role later on.
- 2 hour jam session which included ridiculous and care-free dancing.
- At this point I decided that I was tired so I moved to lean against a wall. Apparently, I wasn’t too tired as I managed to get another girl to grind on me. I must be a smooth talking zombie.
- I attempt to dry hump the dancing girl.
- Girl slaps me… I throw up.
- I Throw up again…on a group of dancing douche bags. My cousin and Lambert explain the situation to them and they understand. They looked into my eyes and saw that I was experiencing what I call “Chameleon eyes”.
- I learn to throw up in the bucket. Smart move.
- We manage to leave the club. My cousins half drag me to the car. I have no motor skills at this point.
- Hungry, we stop by McDonald’s. I ordered a “,McDIknmviodnvsi”. Yea, I know.
- I fall asleep.
I stood there in awe. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. But then, I realized he was lying. It was like snapping out of amnesia! I saw a face. It was staring at me with a look of horror and disgust. Then BAM! Palm impact on cheek. That bitch hit me hard. If you ever read this, girl. I’m sorry. Call me.
